This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. This wasn’t what we planned. No one wanted this to happen. But somewhere along the way.. we lost each other deep inside the darkest mists of heartbreak. Crying out to you, but your love keeps pacing further and further.. until it’s holding on by the bittersweet thread of memories that have become my string of lifeline.. my only source of light..
Our love was so strong, it was superior. Unbreakable. We had it all in the palm of our hands. I smiled at you, you smiled back at me.. and the universe shook as our hearts knew; this.. this was meant for us.
We laid in bed all night, laughing at what I said at 12:24 am.. looking into your tired eyes glowing under the moonlight that pierced through the crack of the curtain at 2 am. I would tell you about my hopes, my dreams.. the way I take my coffee. You would tell me about your fears, the perfect future we would have together. I was convinced you knew me better than I knew myself. By 5 am, as I held your hand for the very first time, pulling each other away from falling into the dark of slumber.. I’d never been more confident in anything in my life than you. Us. I never doubted our potential. I never doubted how much you meant to me.
Then it started.. the fights, the tears, the ignorance, the heartbreak as one of us drove away first while the other watched, as we slowly broke inside with every further block driven. Everything that threatened to tear apart the most important chapter, until it was nothing but dust. Our fairytale turned into a tragic love story. Communication was no longer an option.
“Are we going to talk about this?”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“But we haven’t even said a word! I-..”
“I don’t want to hear it! Just leave me alone.”
I still can’t figure out where we went wrong. Where we messed up. What did we miss?
Looking back now, I remember you no less than 3 feet away, sitting across from me on the floor of the silent bedroom filled with distressing memories, and the faint voices of two naive ghosts telling each other “I love you”.. as we let each other go, ending with the loudest moment of silence I have ever sat through. All we can do is stare into each other’s eyes filled with tears.. and flashbacks of why I fell for you in the first place overtook my thoughts.
Sometimes, I wonder what we could’ve been if things would have gone differently. I should’ve told you sooner that something was wrong. Given you a chance to say the things you didn’t get to say. Regretting the things I didn’t get to say to you.. before it was too late. I look for you everywhere.. in everything.. in everyone.. you will always be my first love.
This was it. You were it. You were my forever. You were my person…
gstel151 